“You have *got* to stop spending so much money!!!”
Ladies, have you ever heard this from your husband?
Well, if you live in America, if you are over the age of twenty, if you have been married for more than five or six months, and if you have clicked on Amazon even once, ever, then I’m going to wager that you have in fact heard these words . . . and more.
And when you heard them . . . how did you respond?
I’m going to guess again and say that you got entirely upset, began defending yourself, and probably ended things out with a shouting match, each of you accusing the other of wasting money, not keeping track, leading yourselves to the poor house, etc.
I’ll also bet that you made a verbal list of all the things you have sacrificed since you were married–all the things you wish you could have bought but haven’t–because you knew you couldn’t afford them now. All the many, many things!!
You might end up in tears, bemoaning the fact that you married such a miserly man and didn’t even know it!!
Okay, first of all, know that I understand.
Know too that I have a better way which I’m going to share.
This is a different suggestion, perhaps one that you’ve never thought of. But I’d like you to try it just once. Then, if it brings about peace, you can employ this solution again and again until the problem eventually disappears completely.
It’s up to you. I’m simply putting it out there as an option you might want to consider.
Here it is:
He’s home from work, you’ve both had a delicious dinner, and now he sits at his desk and opens up the computer. He’s ready to do the monthly financial planning, so he clicks the link for the bank account. He reviews for a long time, and then, suddenly, he looks at the bottom line, reviews all the expenses, and begins getting irritated.
He looks up from his computer, and out of the blue, he calmly says, “Where is all our money going?? I think you’re spending way too much. You have got to pull back on it, or we’re going to end up in the poor house!”
Now, wait!! Take a deep breath, and before you say anything,
Because this is your time to shine!!
Please take a deep breath, look at him with a soft smile, and say, in a very, very, soft tone one or all of the phrases below (preferably all if he will listen!):
“Oh dear, I know I do spend a lot, but I want you to know that I’m so so grateful to you for all that you provide for me and the children. We’re so comfortable, well dressed, and well fed. You make me feel like a queen by spoiling me so–you make me so happy. Thank you, my wonderful husband!
“And I especially love the new running shoes you bought me and the new shoes that we bought for the baby. Thank you so so much. I want you to know that I deeply respect all the work you do to provide for us, and I will do my very best not to spend your hard-earned money needlessly.”
Now, try not to say anything more.
Just wait and observe.
I can just about guarantee that after you say these words, there will be a huge silence.
He will absolutely not know what to say. But he will almost certainly take a deep breath and sit back slightly in his chair. You may even see a look of complete surprise and refreshment on his face.
Now, go back to whatever you were doing, and just allow your words to settle into his heart.
What have you done? What is this that you have given him–greater than diamonds and gold??!
You have offered one of the most important gifts possible to your husband: the gift of appreciation.
Men need appreciation, much like we need compliments.
Aren’t you so happy whenever you receive a compliment? Your new top, your dress, your fresh new hair trim??
Well the same feeling of refreshment and peace comes over a man whenever he is appreciated.
You see, he really does want so much to please you. He really really wants to make your life easier, sweeter, and happier.
How does he do this? By providing. By providing for you. By providing for your children. By expanding his provision to eventually include those outside your family . . . those in your parish, your neighborhood, your town, your city, and more. He has a generous, magnanimous heart!! And I can assure you, this is his joy!!
It only becomes a burden when he performs this manly duty day in and day out and hears no words of appreciation from you, the object of all his goodness.
But when you say just a few words, as often as possible, to thank him for his concern for you, his dedication to his family, his going, day in and day out, to his employment for one reason and one reason only–to keep a roof over your head and make your life as comfortable as possible–his burden becomes light, his goal becomes renewed, and his purpose becomes real.
He simply wants to give.
So can we thank him for that?
If we do, the rewards will be nothing short of eternal.
And for lots and lots more womanly wisdom,
visit with my own most favorite inspiring author, Helen Andelin.
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